I became a new mom 1 week ago! I decided to Blog about my experience because my heart is filled with so many emotions right now that i feel the need to share them. Also, during my pregnancy i constantly looked for inspiration through other mom to be fitness freak like me. I was searching for the mom that is involved in fitness just like i am, is she going through the same things i am? Knowing that i was not alone made me go through my pregnancy with confidence. Hopefully, i can also inspire others by sharing my experience, my struggles, my happy days and my sad days, and my journey to getting back in shape !
Having a baby.... just the thought of it made me run away. I had a very bad experience being around a child for many years that wasn't mine. It made me dislike everything about being a mom one day and raising a child. I know it sounds harsh ,but a bad relationship will scar you for life. I wasn't involved in fitness yet, but when i started competing and my fitness career took off, i literally could see myself doing this for a very very long time. There was no way i could sabotage and "ruin" my body by having a baby, let along not find time to go in the gym 2 times a day, loosing my freedom,etc.....
But then i met Anthony, my husband. He was all about getting married and start a family. I wished the "wanting kids" would eventually knock on my door, because i loved him deeply. But i kept delaying the process of having a baby, for the same reasons, it was never the right time until i just had to dive into the idea of it and let it happen.
We became pregnant in January 2014. I was happy, but also FREAKED out. Telling myself my life is forever change, i won't be attractive for my husband anymore, how about date night?! what's gonna happen with our intimacy ? My body is forever ruined ! I actually increased the intensity of my workouts when i became pregnant, by fear of gaining weight, i kept dieting hard and all i worried about was weight gain . Well, 8 weeks later, i had a miscarriage. The doctor said it was the chromosomes that didn't "mesh" together properly. I felt i was also mentally and emotionally not prepared enough to accept a growing life inside me, i "rejected" the idea of it.... And i believe everything happened for a reason.
A few weeks after our loss, the opposite happened. There was the knock on the door i was waiting for. I wanted to be a mom so bad. I wanted to have a family with my husband. So i started to pray and ask for a miracle. I was so worried it would never happen again. Were we compatible? How many miscarriage could i go through? Can i even carry a baby ?! But they say stress can make the situation worst. So i kept praying and believing it would eventually happen....
And it did ! In October 2014! Pregnant again :) But wait..... lets not get too excited... i already went though a miscarriage, i can go through another. And the fear of loss started. At 12 weeks, that's when your pretty much out of the woods right ? That's when we announced we were expecting a baby girl :)
And let the fun of the pregnancy begin.......
